Toksie Turbie Arrives in Crudville

Toksie Turbie Takes a Fall

Ms. Toksie Turbie arrived in Crudville in a most unusual fashion. Having fallen from an airplane, she landed, safely and miraculously, on a very large and very convenient hay stack on Farmer Frank’s farm.

Farmer Frank sighed and said, “Here we go, again.” With that, he picked up the baby (Toksie Turbie was only a few months old) and took her to Sheriff Stephanie. Sheriff Stephanie looked at the baby, looked at Frank and signed, “Oh, Frank, agaaaaaaaaaaain?!”

Sheriff Stephanie took Toksie Turbie to Mayor Mike. Mayor Mike looked at the baby, sighed a loooooong, sloooooow siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh and said, “Ooooooh, Stephanie, here we go agaaaaaain.”

You see, nearly forty years ago, when all these people were small themselves, another baby had fallen from the sky, from a different airplane. No one knew how this happened. No one ever figured out how the first baby fell out of the plane, nor did they ever figure out how Toksie Turbie fell, but fall they did.

And, well, the first time did not go very well for Crudville.

Crudville and Mortimer Thaddeus Snodgrass III, Morty for Short

At this point in our story, it is important to learn a bit about the first baby that fell on the Farmer’s haystack. But first, we need to know a little bit about Crudville.

There is no “B” in Crudville, but if there were, it would stand for BORING. Not just any kind of boring. A special kind that looks like this:

Why was Crudville so boring? Well, for one thing, ALL the houses and all the farms and all the shops and all the everything were painted beige. NO other colors were allowed in Crudville. It was against the law to paint anything any other color than beige. Yes, really, not joking. It was against the law. All the doors, all the window jams, all the fences, all the walls, EVERYTHING, including the furniture, were painted beige.

Now, there is nothing wrong with a beautiful beige home or a beautiful beige shop or a beautiful beige anything, including the furniture. Beige is a perfectly OK color. But if EVERYTHING is beige, it is really

Plus, everything had to be the same shade of beige. So, with all the furniture and the walls being beige, sometimes people couldn’t find the sofa in their own house. It was beige, same shade as the walls. Lots of times people in Crudville only found a place to sit because they bumped into the furniture. In spite of the bruises, they wouldn’t change the law, they just kept bumping into things.

And, everyone dressed alike in the same shade of beige as the houses and the shops and the fences. It was so bad, some people lost their babies when they were just crawling on the floor. Yes, the floor was beige, too.

All the homes were exactly alike. Three bedrooms, two baths, dining area, kitchen, period. Same floor plan. All beige paint. All beige bathtubs, sinks, and unmentionable utilities. Everything matched and you could hardly ever find anything.


Crudville had all kinds of laws to make sure that it remained boring. It is how Crudvillians liked it. You couldn’t dance in Crudville. Considered too frivolous. You were not allowed to ride skateboards or roller skate or play with any toys. Again, too frivolous. There was no TV or video games and absolutely no computers. Again, too frivolous. No reading either. Books were declared frivolous.

Now, this is what Mortimer Thaddeus Snodgrass III, Morty for short, had fallen into when he fell out of the plane all those decades ago. Crudville and Morty never got on. Because Morty loved hats. He had sixty-four of them by the time he was nine-years-old. He could ride a unicycle (which he rode incessantly) and balance the hats on his head at the same time. AND, worst of all, NONE of the hats were beige. Not a single one.

The town council passed ordinance after ordinance to try to force Morty to behave properly. NOTHING worked. It was bedlam from the time he fell from the sky till the day the circus came to town. Yes, circuses were banned, too. Again with the frivolous thing. But, not before the circus master gave Morty an audition. Now, as you can imagine any kid that can balance sixty-four hats on his head while riding a unicycle got hired on the spot.

And that’s how Crudville got rid, er, bid farewell to Morty and he began his own magical adventures in the circus. No one in Crudville ever gave Morty another thought until Toksie Turbie fell from the sky.

So now you know why Farmer Frank, Sheriff Stephanie and Mayor Mike were so concerned about Toksie Turbie.

Here they had the cutest little baby girl, who had fallen from the sky just like Morty. Not only that, Toksie Turbie fell in the same farm on the same haystack (well, it had new hay) as all those decades earlier.

But, the trio was heartened by the fact that Toksie Turbie was beige. Her hair, her eyes, her skin and even her teeth were beige. “Maybe it won’t be so bad this time”, they said.

A beige Toksie Turbie laying on a beige sofa in a beige house.
This is a beige Toksie Turbie laying on a beige sofa in Farmer Frank’s beige house.

Well, we will just have to see about that.

Watch this space for the continuing adventures of Toksie Turbie.

Now it is time to feed the SEO NAG MONSTER. It wants an outbound link. So, for now, I am going to feed it the link to one of my shops. Then it will shut up. You can visit my shop and if you find something lovely, you are welcome to buy it. — designs using flags of various countries.

Toksie Turbie, Mortimer Thaddeus Snodgrass, III, Crudville are the properties of Auntie Shoe. Invented solely by her. Auntie Shoe is the pseudonym of a real live person. All writings, images, etc are solely owned by Auntie Shoe. All images and writing are ©AuntieShoe 2013 or © 2013 Auntie Shoe. Either way, all this stuff is MINE and Auntie will be very cross if anyone steals from her.

Author: Auntie Shoe

Not much to say. Auntie Shoe is the graphics designer formerly known as AmeriYank, who has shops at print on demand sites all over the Internet.

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